Always
by BoneyCastle237
Summary: Set sometime after Kate is shot, something goes wrong when Beckett and Castle go to apprehend a suspect, the tables are turned, the roles are reversed, the bullet is in his chest and he is fighting for his life while she is watching him die. chpt 8 fixed!
1. Chapter 1

**My first fanfic ever, just randomly started writing it, may leave it as a one shot but i might have an idea to continue on with if anyone thinks it is worth it. All mistakes are my own, as are all the ideas, only thing i dont own is the characters. No names are mentioned, but it is Castle and Beckett, set any time after Beckett is shot. **

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><p>She heard the loud <em>pop<em>, the sound signifying a bullets entrance into the world. She heard the unmistakable grunt of pain that she recognised as being his. She spun around, weapon raised and pointed at the spot she instinctively knew the shot had come from. Everything moved in slow motion, she saw the shooter, and heard three _pops _emenate from her own firearm, a reflex action that came about as a result of the gun now trained on her head. She knew the suspect must have collapsed, no one can remain standing following three GSW's to the chest, but her eyes were not on him anymore, her mind not caring whether or not he was still a threat, or even if he was still alive. Her eyes were focused on the love of her life who now lay face up in a growing pool of his own blood. With no regard for her own safety, she rushed over to him, tears filling her eyes as she knelt close beside him, disturbing the blood that continued to pool around them, she took in the sight before her. He was alive, barely, but still, his chest rising and falling with very shallow breaths. His lips were turning blue, and he was beginning to shiver, she could see he was losing a lot of blood. Her tears finally spilling over, she reached out to him, placing her hand over his, his hands had once been a source of warmth, always able to provide comfort or reassurance to her when she needed it, now however, they were cold, it was like they didn't even belong to him. She brought his hand up to her mouth and kissed it, brushing her lips lightly over his knuckles. His eyes, which had until then remained closed, now opened a fraction, and gazed at her.

"Hey" he said. Just one word, but to her it was everything, confirmation that at least for the moment he was still with her.

"Hey yourself" was her reply, _so stupid _she thought to herself, _he could be dying and all I got is __**hey yourself!**_

He smiled, not his usual mischievous grin, just a small smile, as if he were trying to downplay the severity of the situation.

"You don't need to worry you know" he smirked, trying as always to provide comedic relief.

She wasn't following, "Worry about what?" despite herself she smiled slightly, if he was well enough to be smirking then he was well enough to stay with her a little longer.

"I'm not going to sue the department, I signed that waver so you're safe" his smirk grew as he saw the look of confusion flash across her face, he chuckled to himself, an action that, under normal circumstances, would have earned him a smile from her, now caused a stab of pain through his chest, making any and all movement excruciatingly painful.

She saw him struggling with himself, pain etched into his features, the spasms his body was now having were causing further blood-loss. As much as she hated to do so, she released her grip on his hand and using both of her own, she placed them over the wound in his now heaving chest and pressed down applying as much pressure as she could in an attempt to staunch the flow of crimson liquid that began to seep through her fingers. She could tell he was trying to be brave, his jaw was locked, _probably in an effort to contain his girlish screams _she thought, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

He was trying to keep it together; put on a brave front so she wouldn't see how frightened he was and how much pain he was in. He clenched his jaw to keep himself from crying out when he felt her press down on the hole in his chest. He was warring with himself, on the one hand, the pressure she was exerting on his chest was painful beyond belief, but one the other hand, the feel of her strong, albeit small hands on his defined chest was amazing, and he couldn't decide if this was in fact pain or pleasure. Then suddenly it was neither, he couldn't feel the stabbing pain, or her soft hands against him, he couldn't even feel the floor beneath him, though surely it must still be there? He was going numb, he vaguely remembered reading somewhere during his research that the body would go into shock after a trauma, and this must be what it felt like. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered that he would now be able to realistically describe what it felt like to take a bullet to the chest. The slowing of his heart beat and the numbness that was creeping up on him told him otherwise, he would probably not live to write another chapter. He could almost laugh at the irony, not even a year before, these positions had been reversed and the beauty now leaning over him and literally holding his heart together had been the one in trouble, lying, dying in his arms, and now it was the other way around, he was the one fighting for his life and she was the one begging him to hang on.

She could see it in his eyes; he was leaving, giving in to the pain. The piercing blue she had grown so accustomed to was now fading, there was no playful glint to it.

"No no, you stay with me now ok? Everything is going to be fine, just hang on, stay with me!" she was getting slightly hysterical.

"You can't leave, not now, please just hang in there, I'm right here, I've got you! Please!" there was a desperate edge to her voice that surprised even herself.

It was too familiar, she had seen this all before. It was different, it was wrong! This was not how this scene was supposed to go. She was the cop, she was the one who took the bullets and faced death on a daily bases, not him! Then she remembered; she **had** seen this before, when their roles had been reversed, and it had been _his _hands covered in _her _blood. _Her _life hanging in the balance, and him, telling her he loved her… She realised how he must have felt, watching the love of his life fading away as she was doing now. She understood what had compelled him to confess his love for her; how he had wanted to make sure she knew what she meant to him before she died. And now, by some cruel twist of fate, he was the one on the floor and it was she who would have to admit how she felt.

"Listen to me. Listen to me! Don't you dare die on me now ok? I'm not done with you, I'm not finished loving you! I love you, I love you so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you, but I can't do that if you don't stay with me, so stay with me now and let me love you, please _please_ just stay with me" she was sobbing now, her entire body shaking with the force of each sob.

She was trying to maintain her pressure on the wound and trying to gauge if he had heard her or not. She could here the ambulance siren nearing the building; she estimated that it was less than a block away. She could still feel his heart beating under her hands, it was weak, and very slow, but it was still there. His skin was cold and clammy, his blue lips were now a shade darker and he looked more vulnerable than she had ever seen him. His eyes opened slowly, as if it required a lot of energy, his mouth moved into as best a smile as he could muster as he looked at her. He had heard her, and her words had brought him one final burst of energy, using every single bit of courage he had left in him, he pushed through the pain and lifted his arm to rest his hand on hers, over his heart.

She could see he was trying to open his mouth to say something, "No don't try to speak, I know, I heard you that day in the ceremony, I heard you say you loved me and I'm sorry it took this for me to be able to say it back, but I do, and I have done for a long time now!" she didn't know if he could even hear her now, she was crying uncontrollably, the tears running down her face and landing on his chest. Somewhere behind her she heard someone approaching, she didn't want to know who it was, she knew she should be embarrassed for crying over someone she had insisted on more than one occasion was 'just her partner' but she wasn't, all that mattered was him. She knew she needed to move aside, to let the paramedics take over and save his life, she took the hand that was resting on hers and held it over her own heart, not caring about the blood she was now getting all over her blouse.

"I love you" she whispered the three little words, hoping like hell he could still hear her.

His head was heavy, his breathing laboured and almost impossible, but after hearing her declaration, he managed to whisper just one word in reply and squeeze her hand ever so slightly.

The last thing she heard before the paramedics took over, and the last thing he thought and said before succumbing to the darkness:

"_Always"_

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><p><strong>Please please PLEASE review, first fanfic so i really wanna know if i am good at it or if i suck, dont be gentle, honesty is the best policy!:) thanks for reading!<strong>_  
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	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed or added this to their favourites or alerts! You guys are amazing! This chapter is longer than I had wanted it to be, so I didn't cover as much as I had hoped, but there will be at least two more chapters after this!**_

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><p>"<em>Always"<em>

The word raced through her mind, erasing all other thoughts of doubt, panic or fear.

"_Always"_

He had heard her. He had understood what she had said and him being who he is, could not let her declaration go unrequited.

"_Always"_

One small word, one she had heard from him so many times before, but it had such a great impact on her. It was not a question, he was not questioning her love for him, he was not asking her if she would _always_ love him, no. It was a promise, it was his way of promising to her that he would _always_ love her, that he would _always_ be there for her, that he would _always_ stay.

There were still tears running down her face, a fresh wave hitting as she watched the paramedics begin working on him, working to save his life, working to save hers. A tear ran down her cheek, along the edge of her jaw and then fell the remaining few centimetres from her chin to her chest before trickling down to rest in the small depression over her heart. Her constant reminder of how close she had come to death, and how close he was to it now. Her tears mingled with the blood she had inadvertently stained her blouse with, _his_ blood, which was still covering her hands, and now weighing heavily on her heart.

She stood and watched the paramedics do their job, because that's what it was to them; it was their job to save his life. If he lived or if he died, it would make no difference to them. If they were unable to save his life, yes they would feel bad, but it would be nothing compared to what she would feel. She knew that though it was his life on the line, if he died, she would too. Not literally of course, but who she was, who she had become since he came into her life, that person would be unable to live on without him. She would go back to being the cold and isolated person she had been before he had wormed his way into her heart. She would throw up all her walls, mount her defences and ensure that this time, no one would get through. She would never love again. Of that she was sure.

She stood and watched the man she loved slowly slip away. She watched the paramedics finally load him into the back of the ambulance, complete with an IV drip administering fluids into his body. _That's a good sign _she tried to tell herself, _They wouldn't give him fluids if he was already… _she couldn't bring herself to even think the word.

She was still crying, her silent sobs causing her body to shake, her breaths coming in short sharp gasps.

"He's crashing!"

She heard one paramedic cry to his colleague.

"He's lost too much blood! We need to move now!"

They finished loading him into the ambulance even as one paramedic was already running to the drivers seat. She could do nothing but watch as the doors swung shut, giving her what could possibly be her last glimpse of him alive.

As soon as she saw the doors close, she fell too her knees, eyes still on the pool of blood not three feet from her, disturbed as it was, she could still picture him, lying there fighting to stay alive, fighting to stay with her. Breathing was now becoming impossible for her. She remembered once when Esposito had had a panic attack, she wondered if this was anything like what he had been feeling. She was struggling to remain upright, a sharp pain shooting through her chest, she clasped her hand to her own bullet wound, it felt as if she were being shot again, only this time, he wasn't there to hold her, he wasn't there to make it ok. She fell to the side, lying on the ground, eyes still locked on the bloodstain, _his_ bloodstain! Bringing her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them, hugging them too her, trying to hold herself together. She had never felt so alone, so vulnerable. It pulled her back thirteen years, to the night she had received the news of her mothers death. It had been different then, she had had a reason to go on, she had to find her mothers murderer and make him pay. But now, she had no goal. The man who had inflicted this pain upon her lay some 8 feet behind her, a white sheet covering his dead body. She had gotten her justice and she had nothing to distract her from the pain she felt.

Finally tearing her eyes away from his blood pool, she squeezed them shut, praying and hoping to whatever higher power existed that he would pull through, that he would be ok, that he would be hers.

She closed her eyes to the world, not noticing she had company, not caring. She did not feel the pair of strong arms wrap around her small frame, her brain did not recognise the arms as being those of her friend and brother Javier. She did not see the looks of panic mirrored on both his face and his partner's at seeing their friend so broken. She pulled her legs in tighter, brought her head down to rest on her knees, and cried, she didn't care who heard her, she lay still, letting the fear of losing him wash over her, she curled into a tighter ball, as though the smaller she was the less it would hurt.

Esposito and Ryan had never seen Beckett like this. She had lived through worse than losing a partner. It was clear to them that Richard Castle meant more to Beckett than that, they realised that if the author didn't live through this, the Beckett they knew and loved would cease to exist and that scared the hell out of them. Ryan drove, siren on, racing to get to the hospital, all the while stealing glances at his partner who sat in the back seat, cradling a broken, sobbing Beckett in his arms. Only she wasn't badass Detective Beckett, who ran around the city catching killers, she wasn't the cool, savvy Cop on which the character Nikki Heat was based, not at the moment. Now she was Katie, the girl who was about to lose everything she never even had.

Her head was growing heavy and it was getting harder and harder to keep opening her eyes, she found herself drifting off, her emotions exhausting her at least for the time being. She kept seeing him lying there in the final moments before she had moved aside for the paramedics, she kept remembering his hand squeezing hers ever so slightly as they rested over her heart, she kept hearing his voice, the softly whispered word replaying over and over in her head. She closed her eyes, willing herself to escape reality for the moment, that word still echoing in her mind.

"_Always"_

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><p><strong><em>So as you can see, the recurring word is<em>**_ Always, **as in the title. Please let me know what you think, improved it, ruined it, babbled on for too long, should have left it as a one shot, any and all reviews are welcome good or bad!:) **__  
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	3. Chapter 3

**_I always said i was not entirely happy with this chapter, so i fixed it up a little bit, and i feel more happy with it now:) _**

**_(the first section is a flashback btw)_**

**_I do not own castle._**

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><p><em>"Always!"<em>

_He looked at her, disbelieving._

_"How could you possibly have guessed that?" He whined at her, crossing his arms and huffing like a nine year old kid who hadn't gotten his way._

_"What can I say, it's a gift!" she smirked at him, pleased to have won her round so quickly, she knew he would pick that word, it was their word._

_They were getting nowhere with their murder investigation and she was becoming frustrated. Castle had finally convinced her to join him for a friendly game of hangman, however, after the first round it quickly turned into a heated competition between the two. A competition she had just won!_

_"Okay Castle, you had your fun, but we really need to get back to – "_

_She was cut off by her phone ringing, she answered with her usual,_

_"Beckett"_

_She smirked as she looked over at Castle, he was still sulking! _Sore loser much?_ She thought as she watched his hand jerk across the murder board, erasing all evidence of his defeat._

_"Alright got it, on our way" she hung up and turned her attention back to the grumpy writer._

_"Castle, that was Espo, we have a lead, John Meyer, lives two blocks from our crime scene, was reported to have had an argument with the vic the night he was killed."_

_She had already shrugged her coat on, grabbing her keys and her phone she started towards the elevator._

_"Wait for me!" he was still whining._

_They arrived at the building, parked the car and, walked in a comfortable silence up the stairs to the third floor, apartment 3B, John Meyer's last known address. Beckett raised her right hand to knock on the door, her other hand drifting towards her gun out of habit. As her knuckles came down against the wooden door, it swung open slightly. She drew her weapon._

_"Castle, stay behind me ok, and do not make a sound" she would have told him to stay out altogether, but four years of experience told her he would never listen anyway._

_She entered the apartment, gun raised, slowly stalking forward, she heard a floorboard creek behind her, she rolled her eyes, _Why doesn't he tap-dance his way through_ she thought to herself, not even attempting to hide the affectionate smile that played across her face._

_She heard a louder footstep, one she knew was not Castle's, she spun on her heels as quickly as she could without overbalancing, but it wasn't fast enough, then the shot rang out._

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><p>She awoke with a start, her heart beating wildly out of control. She shook her head, as if hoping to shake the memory away. A pain in her neck told her she needed to shift position; she was still curled in a ball, her knees to her chest, her clammy hands gripping each other over her shins.<p>

Breathing to her left and right told her that she was sitting in between two people, an arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder told her that it was Esposito sitting to her right, she guessed that his partner Ryan sat to her left.

She heard rather than felt her feet hit the floor as she gingerly lowered them away from her chest, her muscles protesting slightly at the movement. She wrapped her arms around her middle as if still trying to hold herself together.

She took note of her surroundings for the first time since opening her eyes. She was sitting on a very uncomfortable chair, the lights were extremely bright and the smell of disinfectant, sickness and death hung in the air; she was in a hospital.

She refused to let herself remember anymore. She refused to shed another tear. He did not need her to cry for him, he did not need Katie the frightened girlfriend right now, he needed her to be Detective Beckett, she needed herself to be Beckett.

She focused her eyes straight ahead and concentrated on her breathing, not allowing herself to be upset, not allowing her mind to wander, not allowing herself to think of losing him.

Next to her Esposito shifted, withdrawing his arm from where it lay draped over her shoulders.

"Beckett, you ok?" He said it softly, as if speaking too loudly would cause her to shatter into a million pieces.

She stared ahead, not hearing his question, not even caring; her eyes were distant and unseeing.

"Hey Kate, its me, its Javi, are you ok?" He was starting to worry now, she was not showing any sign of having heard him.

Her eyes remained fixed straight ahead. She was dead to the world and the world was dead to her.

Alexis and Martha had been called, it was not looking hopeful and they needed to be close by, if the worst were to happen, to say their goodbyes. They entered the waiting room, and were met by the two detectives and a broken woman.

"Oh darling! Come here come here you poor dear!" It was clear Martha Rodgers had been crying, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. She pulled Kate into a tight embrace, holding her close, seeking to gain comfort as well as provide it.

And still Kate didn't react. Her eyes remained distant, her expression vacant.

Martha looked deeply into the younger woman's eyes, shocked by what she saw. Nothing. There was not a trace of emotion anywhere on the young detectives face. Her eyes were open but it was clear that nobody was there. It was as if she couldn't exist if he didn't.

Behind Martha, Alexis had retreated to her own chair in the corner of the room, adopting a pose not unlike Kate had. Knees to chest, arms wrapped around herself, keeping it together. She made no attempt to hide her tears, wave after wave of them making their way down her face. She needed her dad, he was all she had besides Grams, and Grams needed him too!

Alexis watched as the adults talked, trying to learn as much as they could about her father's condition. All the while the person who could tell them sat alone, apart from the crowd, trapped in her own personal hell without him there to make it better.

In all the years Alexis had known Detective Beckett, she had come to respect her immensely, carrying around her own mother's murder could not have been easy for her and Alexis had admired her strength. Her faith in the Detective grew stronger as she watched her overcome her own shooting, and the loss of Captain Montgomery, a man who had been like a father to her. The Detective never failed to amaze Alexis with her continued show of bravery.

Now however, looking at her after recent events, she looked no less frightened and worried than Alexis. She too looked as though she was barely keeping it together.

Standing on shaky legs the girl walked over to where Kate still sat, unmoving and unseeing. She sat down next to her and remained silent for a while.

"Its ok to be scared, I am." Alexis's voice was shaking as she looked at Kate who did not respond.

She was not getting through to the detective, she took a breath and started again,

"I'm scared to lose him, I'm scared he won't be strong enough to come back to me and I am terrified of having to leave here without him!" the teen's voice was breaking now as a fresh wave of tears flooded her eyes, blurring her vision.

"He is my everything, no one understands how much I love and need him. No one." she paused before quietly adding "but you do." She was trying to elicit some sort of reaction from the older woman. Anything, anger, denial, acceptance, sadness, she wanted to let Kate know she understood.

Kate could hear the young Castle talking but she refused to give in to her emotions, her walls were going back up, back where they were supposed to be, back protecting her, making sure no one ever hurt her like this again.

"Kate you promised you would be there, please I cant lose you and my dad, you are the closest thing to a mother I've got!" She was sobbing now, a hint of anger beginning to show through her strained voice even as she lifted her arms, hands reaching for Kate.

Kate was fighting with all her might to remain unresponsive, she could not, would not, survive the pain of losing him if she allowed it to consume her. And then she saw those eyes. _His_ eyes, full of pain, misery and unshed tears looking back at her from his young daughters terrified face.

And her walls came tumbling down around her.

She reached for the teen even as she reached for Kate, they held each other as close as they could and cried, releasing all their fears and tears onto the other.

"I am here for you Alexis, no matter what happens, I made a promise to your dad and I will stand by it, we will be ok, you and me, he would want us to be there for each other" Kate was finally able to stutter out, before succumbing to another wave of tears.

They sat like that for some time, crying, and just resting on each other, each drawing comfort from the other's presence. They were in their own fragile world, separating themselves from the harsh reality that awaited them, both unable to fathom the loss that seemed inevitable.

After what seemed like hours, they were jerked back to the reality of their situation by the approaching doctor, eyes weary, mouth set in a thin, grim line, he sis not resemble someone who came bearing good news.

Alexis froze.

"I'm right here, we are all here. I'm here" Kate was whispering in her ear, trying to reassure the girl as much as herself. She reached for Alexis's hand with her own, while holding out her other to Martha who in turn reached for Esposito's who's other arm was around Lanie, who had just recently arrived, she finally reached out to Ryan and they all braced themselves for the news.

"The family of Richard Castle?" The doctor enquired, scanning the room.

Kate urged Alexis forward, all the while moving along with her.

"That's us" She replied, motioning to their human chain, her voice wavered slightly, giving way to her emotions.

The doctor walked towards them, eyes fixed on the floor or the wall behind them, not meeting any of their gazes.

Kate felt Alexis begin to shake and leaning closer to her she whipered in her ear,

"I'm here sweetie, I wont leave you alone, I'm right here with you, I'll be here…

_Always"_

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><p><strong><em>So i am sticking to it and trying to start and finish each chapter with the word "Always". Please let me know what you think of this chapter, and if you hate it please dont leave, the next one will be better i promise! PLEEEEEASE REVIEWWW! xxx<em>**


	4. Chapter 4

**_So i am really really sorry for how it ended! I was trying to update fast and seeing as i know the rest of the story i didnt see the cliffhanger! SORRY:) Thanks for the reviews, i have been typing like a ninja to get this chapter up for all the people who complained about the cliffie!;) i realised that last chapter was probably not how Alexis would react to her own fathers shooting, so i tried to make this one sound more realistic without dragging it out for too long or repeating. PLEASE REVIEW! _**

**Also, you have to read to the end of the chapter. do not stop because you cant take it. KEEP READING! it doesnt end how you think, have faith!:) i dont own castle:P**

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><p>"<em>Always"<em>

Kate had said it without even thinking, it seemed so right that a promise he had kept making to her become a promise she made to his daughter. And she had meant it, she would be there for the girl no matter what happened.

"Perhaps we should take a seat?" The doctor told them, motioning with his hands to the row of chairs lining the wall.

No one moved. Whatever he had to say, he would have to say it right there.

Fearing the worst, Kate released Alexis' hand, giving it a tight squeeze first, she then snaked her arm around the girl's waist, pulling her closer and holding her other hand in hers. Kate was trying to reassure Alexis, trying to show her she kept her promises.

Alexis let go of Kate's hand and stepped forward, away from the rest of their little group.

"Just say it! Just tell me what's going on!" Her voice was even but all of them could hear the fear in it, Kate swore she heard anger too.

The doctor sighed, it was clear they weren't going to move, none of them. He took a breath and prepared to deliver the news.

"We did everything we could but – "

"Oh god!" Alexis cut the doctor off, taking a step back from him as if he had just burnt her. Her step put her right back into Kate's waiting arms, which she wrapped around the girl.

"No!" Now Kate was sure she heard anger, as Alexis shoved her arms off roughly, backing away from their little chain.

Martha reached for her granddaughter, releasing both Kate and Javier's hands.

"No!" Alexis shouted at her Grams this time, retreating back into a corner, eyes wide and panicked.

The doctor just stood still, he knew that everyone reacted differently to this sort of news. He watched as the two women who had been closest to the girl slowly approached her.

Alexis' understanding had initially surprised Kate; having previously been under the impression that the teen despised her for the emotional rollercoaster she had her dad on. The author had always said that his daughter admired the detective, and while Kate thought that was true, right now, Alexis was just a frightened kid who needed to blame someone for what was happening.

"Alexis sweetie, it's going to be ok, come here," Kate choked on her words as a flood of tears began streaming down her face, she reached out to Alexis.

Never had she felt more alone. But she had promised him that if anything happened to him she would take care of Alexis, and she would die before she broke that promise.

Alexis swiped at Kate's outstretched hand; she had slid her back down the wall and was hugging her knees to her chest, looking like a small child again.

Kate's heart broke for the little girl, she knew what it was like to lose a parent so suddenly, she understood how Alexis felt, but the young Castle was having none of it.

"He's not even a cop! How could you let this happen? He has saved your life countless times and you couldn't have just looked out for him this one time?" Alexis was beside herself, her brain not knowing how to handle the pain she felt, converting it instead into rage, and then directing that rage at the only person that could possibly be held accountable.

Alexis' eyes were flooded with tears, so much so that she didn't see the look that crossed Kate's face, she didn't see the pure misery in the young detectives eyes, she didn't see the older woman step back as if Alexis' words had physically struck her, like a ton of bricks hitting her straight in the stomach.

Kate had been expecting the outburst the second Alexis had entered the room, she had been taken aback by the compassion the girl had shown her, making Kate think that she needed her when it was clear the teen now wanted her gone.

Kate sank to her knees a few feet in front of Alexis, staring at the floor as the pain of losing him washed over her, as she was sure it was doing to Alexis. She stared at the tiled floor, mumbling to no one in particular

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry!" She looked up at Alexis then, the girl refusing to meet her gaze.

"Your right," she said, "Its all my fault, I let him down, I let you down, I should never have agreed to let him follow me, I should have been more firm, I should have controlled him better!" She was sobbing, trying to get a handle on her emotions.

Alexis looked up at Kate, the emotions on the woman's face were sincere, she was clearly just as torn up about everything and she looked deeply sorry, she really had cared about her father.

Alexis let her grief overwhelm her for a moment, let it consume her before finally reaching out to her dad's partner, not letting herself think 'former partner'. Kate reached out, closing the gap between there hands, clasping them together. All was not forgiven, but Alexis saw that Kate was hurting as much as she was and they needed each other now more than ever.

The rest of their party had watched the exchange take place, all with tears flowing freely, taking comfort in each other like the two women on the floor were, arms around each other, holding themselves together.

"Ahem," The doctor was still standing by the door, slightly shocked by the display he had just witnessed.

"I am so sorry, I am new at this and this is the first time I have had to deliver news to the family," he paused, taking a breath, "I think you misunderstood- "

He was cut off again as Esposito stepped forward, invading the doctor's personal space.

"What the hell are you talking about?" His voice was low and menacing, his eyes bored into the young doctor.

"W-what I meant to say was," The doctor stuttered, shrinking back a little as the Detective glared at him, we did everything we could but Mr Castle lost a lot of blood and his body went into shock, we were able to repair the damage done to his heart, and he is out of surgery, he is stable but in critical condition, it is unclear whether he will wake up or not." The doctor spoke in a rush, not wanting to be interrupted.

"You mean to tell me, you let his family believe he was dead and just stood by like that and watched them fall apart before deciding to mention that he is in fact alive?" Javier was furious!

The doctor gulped and apologised again as he saw Ryan stepping up to back his partner. He mumbled something incoherent and then turned and retreated back the way he had come.

Relief washed over all of them, especially the two still sitting on the floor. Alexis let her hand drop back to the floor beside her, leaning her head back against the wall. Kate moved over to sit next to her, the two leaning into each other.

No one spoke until a young nurse entered the room and offered to take them to see the author. They were all still on edge, the pain of losing him still fresh in their minds, but also a spark of hope, he could still be ok.

Only two people were allowed to see him at a time, Alexis and Martha being the only blood relatives present were to go in first.

Martha put her hand on Kate's shoulder,

"You go dear, I'll wait, you take Alexis in." Martha said it softly but Kate could hear the emotion in her voice, her worry for her son was evident, but she understood how much it was killing Kate not to be able to see him.

Kate followed Alexis into the room and took everything in. He was lying on a bed surrounded by half a dozen machines, all connected to him by some wire or tube. He looked so fragile, he had deep purple circles under his eyes, his hair was sticking out in all directions and his skin was pale.

Alexis sat in the chair beside his bed, taking his hand in hers as gently as she could, she whispered in his ear, telling him they were all there and they all loved him and they all needed him. She put her head on the blanket near his arm and closed her eyes, just happy to feel the warmth coming off his body, confirming he was still alive.

Kate stood at the foot of the bed watching, she didn't want to intrude on their moment, and she was quite happy to just stand there and watch the rise and fall of his chest, and listen to the continuous beeping on one of the monitors telling her that his heart was still beating and that he was still there.

Martha poked her end in through the door, obviously anxious to see her son, Kate turned towards her, and then back to where he lay. He wasn't going anywhere, and Kate decided she could wait a few more minutes. She traded places with Martha and stood just outside the room, watching the small family, one she had come to think of as her own.

After everyone had had their turn, the doctors agreed to let the three women spend the night in the room, there was no persuading them to leave anyway and the couch that was in the patients room was more comfortable that the waiting room chairs.

The three took turns sitting beside his bed and holding his hand. Shortly after Alexis had seen and spoken to him, she retired to the couch, unable to keep her eyes open, the emotional day having drained her completely.

Martha sat beside her granddaughter, who rested her head on her Grams' shoulder and was soon asleep. She got comfortable and then she too was sleeping. That left Kate to sit next to him.

The doctor had said it could take him hours, days or weeks to come around, if he would at all. That had been four hours ago and his condition had not changed.

Kate held his hand, interlocking her fingers with his. Her tears had come and gone, but right now, she was holding them at bay.

"Rick you need to wake up… You have to. Alexis won't be ok if you don't, and Martha… she can't lose you. You have to be ok because they need you… Rick I need you. I lost my mom, and Captain Montgomery, and I can't lose you too! All the men I've dated, they don't hold a candle to you." She paused as a sob wracked through her body. Taking a breath she continued,

"Rick please, I am begging you, please be ok, please come back, please don't leave! We survived freezing to death, being shot at, being blown up, even being eaten by a tiger, we did it together Rick, how am I supposed to survive without you." She dropped her voice to a low whisper, "You've got to wake up, you have to open your eyes, you need to come back to us!" She couldn't talk anymore, her sobbing cutting her off completely. She buried her face in his pillow just beside his head, and cried once again letting her pain and fears rain down on her.

It was so soft she almost didn't hear it, her sobs had subsided and the only sound in the room was their collective breathing and the beeping of the machines. If her ear had not been just centimetres away from his lips she would have missed it entirely, but there was no mistaking it, he took a deeper breath and as he exhaled she heard it.

"_Always"_

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><p><em><strong>There we go! See, i wouldn't kill him off! he is safe for now!:) Please Please review!:D as you have seen, the more reviews, the quicker the update!:) have at least two more chapters planned!:) if you've stuck with it this far, dont give up now!:) <strong>  
><em>


	5. Chapter 5

**_SOrry it has taken me so long to update, i started writing and then i just couldn't stop. This next chapter is a bit repetitive and i am sorry if it is boring. Originally chapters 5 and 6 were to be all in one, but that made it four times longer than all the other chapters (Which i now realise are incredibly short) so i split it into two but just for all of you who are still with me, i posted them both together!:) Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEWW! :)_**

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><p>"<em>Always"<em>

Her head snapped up at hearing that word again, cringing slightly because it seemed that for the second time in as many days, that one word whispered by his lips were her reason for living.

She pulled back slightly, not believing her ears.

"Castle?" she hissed.

She was fighting to keep the desperation out of her voice, and failing miserably. It felt strange to be calling him by his second name now, after just spilling her guts to him, twice, you'd think she would have the courage to call him Rick to his face.

He didn't react, not moving a muscle aside from the constant rise and fall of his chest.

"Castle don't you dare screw around with me!"

She was trying to act mad, but the truth was she needed him to open his eyes, squeeze her hand, even just roll over! She needed him to do something, just to prove to herself that she wasn't going mad, that she wasn't imagining things.

_Oh god, I am losing my mind… _She glanced over at the clock, 4:40am. She had been awake for just over twenty-four hours; maybe it was just sleep deprivation starting to get to her? She had gone without sleep for longer, but she had never had such an emotional day, she was completely drained, she just needed to sleep.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes with her free hand, her other one remained entwined with his. She was rubbing small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb, something he must have done for her a dozen times, whether she was trying to reassure him or herself she did not know, but it felt right to be holding his hand, to be drawing comfort from him like she had so many times in the past.

She stared at him for a few more minutes, just making sure that he was still out before placing her head back on the pillow next to his, placing a gentle kiss against his temple before allowing her eyes to drift shut.

She finally gave in to the exhaustion her body was feeling, inhaling deeply, she could still smell his distinctive scent, masked as it was by the disinfectant odour that was the hospital. She let the feel of his hand in hers, his head resting mere inches away from her face, and the never ending beeping of the machines, telling her beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was still with her, be her last thoughts as she allowed sleep to overcome her.

He was exhausted, tired and defeated. Ever since he had felt the bullet pierce his chest, he had been fighting with the fog that kept threatening to overwhelm him, to take him away from everything he knew and loved, to take him _on_.

He was sure his mind was playing tricks on him, just after he was shot, he swore he could hear her, telling him she loved him back, that she wanted him, no, _needed_ him to be ok! He was sure he saw her face looking down at him, reassuring him, telling him she was there. He was almost positive he saw the tears overflowing her eyes, spilling down her cheeks. There was no mistaking the blood covering her hands and shirt as she put his hand over her heart.

Could he have imagined all that?

Maybe it was all the blood he lost, maybe it was causing his brain to invent these scenarios in an attempt to bring him back to consciousness.

But it felt so real.

He had heard his daughter whispering in his ear, quietly begging him to be ok, telling him how much she needed him to be ok, telling him how much she loved him and would do anything to have him back.

He lay there, fighting with all his might to rid himself of the fog that clouded his mind, to squeeze her hand, or open his eyes for her, it was killing him to have to lie still and watch his daughter cry over him.

Not that he hadn't expected it, he knew how much she loved him, nearly as much as he loved her, she was his joy in life, the most important thing in the world to him, as he was to her. So he had expected his daughter to be devastated.

He had not expected her to react the same.

His daughter had left, giving him a kiss as she departed. He felt his mother take his hand; she too told him how much she loved him, how proud she was of him, and how much she needed him back. He lay unmoving while she whispered in his ear, still waring with himself, trying to fight through the fog, to let his mother know he could hear her.

And then his mother had left.

He sensed someone else enter the room, though he could not be sure who it was, no one held his hand this time. He heard a deeper voice, one he sensed as being Esposito's, he was trying to be strong, keep the emotion out of his voice, who was he being strong for? Then he had felt another hand take his, it was small, definitely not Esposito's, it was unfamiliar, he had definitely not held this hand before.

He could hear the owner of the hand talking to him, not as emotional as his mother and daughter had been, but it was obviously someone who cared for him. He was trying to match the voice to a face, a name, anything. Then it dawned on him, the person Esposito would try to be strong for; Lanie.

He focused on the ME's words, trying to work out what she would be saying to him, they had been friends, but she had never had much patience for him, the curious child in him wanted to know what she had to say now that he was supposedly unhearing.

"Richard Castle so help me god, if you do not wake up out of this friggen coma, Ima come back here and beat you the rest of the way to dead! There are people here who need you ok? Your daughter, your mother, and whether she will admit to it or not, Kate needs you here. Ok? So don't you go playing games, just open ya dam eyes!"

He could tell an empty threat when he heard one, it was clear the ME was just worried about her friend, and him to a certain extent. He couldn't help the thrill that went through him as he replayed her words in his head; _"…whether she will admit it or not, Kate needs you here…" _it amazed him that just hearing her name made him fight harder to open his eyes.

Lanie and Esposito left.

He heard Ryan come in, placing his hand on his arm, he heard the detective mumble a few words about getting better soon, how the precinct would not be the same without him. Ryan let his hand slide off the author's arm, dropping his voice slightly he whispered,

"Dude, you gotta be ok, for Beckett, don't put her through this man, just wake up ok?"

And then he too had left.

Lying on the bed, he continued his battle with himself, trying desperately to break through the heavy fog that was _still_ weighing down on his mind. He heard what must have been his mother and Alexis settle down near the foot of his bed, he remembered from the last time he had visited the hospital that there was usually a couch situated near the patient's bed for the family.

She hadn't come.

He must have imagined it all, she hadn't cried for him or confessed her feelings when he had fallen. She hadn't been as concerned as he thought he had seen. She hadn't even come to check on him. And then he felt it. Someone sat down next to his bed and held his hand, entwining their fingers in his. She was there.

He heard her again, admit how she felt, confess how much she loved him and needed him to be ok. He fought the fog even harder, wanting more that anything to look her in the eyes as she said this. He heard her choking back a sob, she was crying for him. She was asking him to come back to her, she was falling apart at the thought of losing him!

He felt the pillow shift slightly, as her head lay next to his. He felt a bolt of electricity shoot through him, erasing all his pain and clearing the fog in his brain for a few split seconds as her lips met his skin.

He could feel again, he was aware of where his arms and legs were, how all his muscles were relaxed and would not move no matter how much he willed them to. He realized that he was not in control of his own body, the fog was preventing him from doing anything, but as he felt her crying into the pillow next to him, something inside him changed, he wasn't battling with the fog anymore, the fog was battling with him, he was regaining control even as he could feel it slipping away, still too much for him to handle in his weakened state.

He inhaled deeper than his previous breath, and using every bit of control he could muster, he breathed out, just one word, that he knew she would understand,

"_Always"_

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><p><em><strong>Like it? Hate it? I wanna know! Seriously! if you hate it, the next one is less depressing and a bit longer:) Please stick with me!:) and pleasee review! :)<strong>  
><em>


	6. Chapter 6

**_So this one is a bit lighter, not all doom and gloom and depressing, also not the final chapter, so its not over yet. I am sorry for any medical jargon i get wrong or make up, i have tried my best to keep it believable but have no medical training whatsoever. Also this is just my interpretation of how the characters would react, it is entirely what i think they would do/say and i apologise if you think i am wrong or if they are too out of character._**

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><p>"<em>Always"<em>

The word was still on her mind when Kate opened her eyes. She was acutely aware of, the sun streaming in through the blinds to her back, telling her that it was well past sunrise. She knew she should move, Alexis would probably be wanting to sit with her father now, but two sets of heavy breathing coming from the direction of the couch told her that Martha and her granddaughter were still sound asleep.

Judging by the amount of light in the room she guessed that it was a little after ten in the morning. She had been asleep for just over five hours, which was not nearly enough rest, she could still feel the sleep clouding her mind, which begged the question, why was she awake?

She had been so focused on her surroundings; she had literally overlooked the thing that was right in front of her… him! When she had finally fallen asleep, his head had been straight on the pillow, face to the ceiling, now she was looking at him straight on, their faces just centimetres apart, their noses practically touching.

She tried to lift her head, to get a better view of the situation when she became aware of a pressure on her neck. It was not threatening in any way, in fact it was quite comforting, it had a familiar feel to it, the pressure made her feel at ease for some reason.

She froze.

She tore her eyes away from his face and glanced down his body, she locked her eyes on his shoulder, the one furthest away from her and traced his arm to the middle of his chest, where his elbow bent, his forearm angled towards her, she gasped as the realised the pressure on her neck, was his hand.

There was no way she was imagining this, she could feel the warmth his hand provided her with, she could feel her pulse racing under his palm, a reaction she had never been able to control when he was around, she looked back up to his face and there was no way in hell she was making that up, two piercing blue orbs were looking back at her, his eyes showing a multitude of emotions that she knew were being reflected in her now tear filled emerald ones.

"Beckett?" He feigned confusion at seeing tears in her eyes.

She pulled her head back slightly, wanting to get a better look at him, her one hand still locked in his, her other making its way up to brush a bit of hair out of his eyes, lingering on his cheek.

"Rick I… uh…"

She was struggling to get any words out, it had been much easier to bear her soul to him when there was a chance he wouldn't hear, or if he did, there was no way he could reject her, but now, she had his undivided attention, he was all ears and despite his repeated one word promise, she still feared rejection.

She knew she had to tell him now, he deserved to know, she would have to confess her feelings for the third time in twenty four hours, or would she?

"Do you uh remember anything about being shot?"

She looked at him hopefully, maybe he had heard her and she wouldn't have to say it again, not that she had changed her mind, she just didn't want to lose him again so soon after she had gotten him back.

"No," he lied "I remember feeling the cold enter my chest and then… nothing."

He knew he should feel bad for lying to her and he did, especially since she looked so upset, but he had to know if she had meant it, if she really did love him or if she just said what she thought he needed to hear to keep fighting.

She was quiet for a moment. Was he playing her? Or was he giving her an out? That was so like him, he always thought of her, even now when he was the one lying in the hospital bed, he was still worried about her, cautious of taking things too fast, not wanting to scare her away, giving her the opportunity to take it all back and pretend it never happened.

But she was done being scared, they had had too many near death experiences, this latest one nearly killing them both in their own way, she had to take a leap of faith and tell him once and for all, consequences be damned.

"I love you"

She said it fast but with feeling, not wanting to give herself time to back out of it, but not wanting it to sound half hearted. She put as much emotion in those three words as she could, locking her eyes with his to convey everything speech couldn't.

A slight smirk crossed his face, his eyes lighting up at her words. She eyed him suspiciously for a moment before saying

"You heard me before didn't you."

It was not a question it was a statement.

His expression changed, to one she had definitely seen before, one she would never forget. The first time they had met four years ago, in the interrogation room, she was reading out the list of his past run ins with the law, his face had taken on the same mischievous look it had now as he had said _"… I would be happy to let you spank me…"_

She rolled her eyes and could have almost laughed, same old Castle, his brush with death had not changed him in that sense.

They both grew serious. She was looking at their joined hands, finding something on the back of hers suddenly very interesting.

"Hey"

He said it quietly, wanting her to meet his gaze. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes once again. She was prepared for the rejection, but it would still hurt.

"I love you too." He told her, staring deep into her eyes trying to get her to see his sincerity.

She smiled as she brought her free hand up to cover his, which still cupped the side of her face, wiping away her tears gently with the pad of his thumb. She guided his hand to her lips where she softly kissed the back of it before bringing it down to cover her heart as she had done before.

She regretted it almost immediately as she remembered too late that there was still blood on her shirt from when she had previously done this. She looked him, her concern evident on her face. His eyes were locked on their hands, and the red stain that perfectly matched the size and shape of their entwined fingers.

Their other hands were already interlocked, and he brought them up to cover his own heart, wincing slightly as he pressed her hand down on his bandaged wound. She tried to pull her hand away not wanting to cause him pain, but he refused to let go.

"We match," he said motioning with his eyes to their hands, all four of which rested over a bullet wound, old and new, "we fit together perfectly, we were made for each other."

His eyes were boring into hers, which were tearing up again.

"That it took both of us being shot to get here doesn't matter, what matters is that we are here now and we are together, and nothing is going to take you away from me again, and I promise to you, I am not going anywhere"

Her tears rolled down her cheeks even as her mouth split into that dazzling smile he adored. Letting go of both his hands, she leaned forward, using her own to cradle his face, and she kissed him.

It was slow and gentle, their lips moulding perfectly to fit the others. Tongues exploring each others mouths for the first time without having to worry about their friends being in danger, or the consequences that would arise afterwards. His hand made its way into her hair, needing to feel her closer to him, his thumb wiping her tears away as he had done before and as he would continue to any time she ever cried in the future.

He could have kissed her all day and night for the rest of eternity. But the universe had a different idea.

"Dad!"

Alexis had woken up to see the Kate leaning over her dad, she wouldn't have said anything but she saw his hand in the detectives hair, meaning he was awake.

Kate heard Alexis, and tried to pull away from him, not wanting to make this awkward for all of them. Well no more awkward than it already was. Rick surely heard his daughter as well, but he was not finished, using his hand in her hair as an anchor, he held her still, keeping her face, and lips, exactly where they were.

Alexis' exclamation had woken Martha, and now both redheads were watching the male Castle and the gorgeous detective with amused smiles.

Kate felt him smile against her lips and she could tell he knew what was going on. So they remained like that, lips locked hands holding each other's faces for as long as they could. The need for air was what finally broke them apart.

But he still held her close, their foreheads touching, noses brushing together and eyes still closed. They just savoured the feeling of finally being close to each other, no more walls, no more waiting.

He smiled at the blush that was creeping up her neck, they were still being watched, and by his teenage daughter and his mother of all people!

She bit down on her bottom lip, she couldn't turn around and face the only other women in her man's life, she was far too embarrassed, but she couldn't just stay where she was, he had just woken up, coming back from brink of death where he had been only hours before, the women would want to be with him.

She didn't have to think about it for long as a voice in the doorway made all four of them jump.

"Wa-oh! Looks like someone's feeling better!"

"Yeah! Bro you owe me fifty bucks I believe?

At hearing first Esposito and then Ryan's voices, Kate jumped backwards, maybe a little too enthusiastically, tripping over the chair she had spent the night on she ended up sprawled out on the floor the wind having been shoved out of her lungs, leaving her gasping for air.

Rick leaned over the bed, concern in both his eyes and his voice as he said

"Kate?"

He had to admit she looked beautiful down there, her hair was fanned out around her head, the sun bouncing off it, making it look extra shiny, her lips were slightly swollen from their little performance and her neck and now the rest of her face tinged pink as embarrassment washed over her.

Esposito and Ryan, now with Lanie in tow walked to the foot of Castle's bed, looking down on the female detective who had all of a sudden forgotten how to sit up. Martha and Alexis were also on their feet, all eyes on Kate.

Hoping to lighten the mood Castle said,

"You know, I have pictured you like this so many times... of course there were less clothes involved and we were _both_ on the floor!"

She glared up at him even as he smirked back at her. But the mood had been lightened. Ryan and Esposito were doing the boys' own private handshake, knocking fists then bringing their respective fists up to their hearts. Alexis and Martha were giving each other a knowing look and Lanie just shook her head before reaching over to help her friend up off the floor, telling her in a not-so-subtle whisper

"Its about damn time!"

Then all the attention was turned back to Castle as his daughter rushed over to hug him, tears in her eyes at finally being reunited with her dad. Martha was next and then Lanie and the boys.

The doctor came to check on Castle, declaring that he was indeed on the mend and after insisting that Castle just keep taking it easy, said he was confident there would be no complications. He left the friends and family to continue catching up, despite having four too many people in the room.

It was hours before Ryan left to go tell Jenny Castle was doing fine and Esposito left to drop Lanie back at work before returning to the precinct. Then it was just the four of them, two Castles, Martha and Kate.

Rick insisted that Martha took Alexis home, she had school the next day and she needed a proper nights sleep, Martha also looked like she needed a large glass of wine and a bubble bath. After promising for the hundredth time that he would not die during the night, they finally left.

"Kate you should go home, you need some sleep and at least a cup of coffee" he tried reasoning with her.

"Rick I am not leaving you, I'm staying right here, there is a coffee machine down the hall and a perfectly comfortable couch right here. I'm staying."

He knew he shouldn't argue with her, but he hated to see her looking so exhausted and drained, and he hated that it was because of him. He also knew from all the nights he had spent on a similar hospital couch waiting for her to come around after _her _shooting, that they were extremely uncomfortable and gave you a backache.

"Kate please, for me, just take care of yourself, I will be fine and I will be right here when you get back tomorrow. Please Kate, for me?"

He gave her his best puppy dog eyes; she gave him her best eye roll.

"Fine, I will go home. But I will be back here tomorrow first thing," She looked at her dads watch, it was nine thirty, "Ten hours Castle, then I will be back here ok?"

"Ok." He agreed, that would be just enough time for her to get a decent night sleep and he knew better than to push for more.

She gave him a quick kiss, just brushing her lips lightly over his and turned to leave, pausing as she heard him start to speak.

"You will definitely come back right?" He asked a devilish grin on his face.

She paused as if giving his question some thought,

"Well I suppose..." she sighed, laughing as his face fell as if he was deeply offended.

"Of course I'll come back, I always have, I always will!" she smiled that smile he loved so much.

"Always?" He questioned, raising one eyebrow and grinning widely.

She nodded her head, her face turning serious, looking him straight in the eye she promised again

"_Always."_

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><p><em><strong>SO please let me know what you think, reviews can only make me better, just tell me if you think the characters are very unlike themselves, coz i wont know unless you do! PLEASE REVIEWW! thanks :)<strong>  
><em>


	7. Chapter 7

**_Sorry for the delay in updating, i meant to post this chapter last night but my laptop had a spaz attack! But here goes, i tried to show a bit of both PoV's while also trying to come up with ways of starting and ending chapters with _"Always"_ which is becoming more and more difficult. My interpretation of the characters, so if it is very unlike them i apologise, this is how i would like them to react in my mind:)_**

**_I dont own castle._**

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><p>"<em>Always"<em>

He was grinning like a lunatic. She said "_Always!" _Had he not been stuck in bed with an honest to god hole in his heart, he would have danced around and jumped for joy. This had been the best day of his life.

Yes there was the small 'almost dying' thing that had put a dampener on things for a while there, but after the storm had come the rainbow, his partner and love of his life had finally admitted her feelings, both to him and to herself. Not only had she said she loved him, but she had told him _always, _their own personal promise, she would _always_ love him, _always _be there for him, and _always _come back, and in return, he would _always _do the same.

He glanced over at the clock beside his bed, it was ten pm. He closed his eyes and settled down to sleep, taking comfort in the fact that in nine and a half hours he would be seeing her again.

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><p>"<em>Always"<em>

It was the second time she had made that promise in the last two days and it was making her think. When she had been with her previous flings, Demming, Josh, even Will, she had never really wanted to commit to them. Always waiting for some excuse to bolt when things started getting serious. And now, she had committed herself fully to her partner, to his family, without even being in a relationship!

She kept waiting for that feeling, that knot in the pit of her stomach that always stopped her dead in her tracks, preventing her from moving forward. She kept waiting for it to hit but it never did.

She smiled to herself. It was different this time, she could tell that this time, there would be no backing out, there would be no reason to, she smiled because she had finally found him, her one and done, and he came in the form of a ruggedly-handsome man child with gorgeous blue eyes. Whether it worked out or not, she knew he would be the first and last man she ever loved.

She had reached her apartment by the time this realization hit her and she found herself fumbling with the key in the lock, her face pulled into the biggest smile possible, her heart racing, and a sort of love struck aura about her.

She finally stumbled through the door, shutting and locking it behind her. A laugh bubbled up her throat, escaping her lips and making her jump slightly, her fingers to her mouth as if not believing the sound had really come from her.

She was in love; there was no other explanation.

She showered and changed into her pyjamas, baggy pants and a very large shirt. Checking the time on her father's watch as she removed it, along with her necklace and her mothers ring, placing them in the box on her dresser, it was just before eleven, she only had eight and a half more hours to wait!

She hopped into bed, switching off her bedside light, still unable to wipe the smile off her face. She closed her eyes and sighed, _Richard Castle, my one and done, _her smile grew as she let the words roll around in her head; she definitely liked the sound of that.

Her breathing evened out and she finally fell asleep, her smile remained plastered on her face as she drifted off.

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><p>Kate was woken by a loud beeping, rolling over she reached out for where she knew her phone would be, briefly glancing at the time, it was six thirty, she still had an hour to get ready and get to the hospital like she had promised.<p>

She never usually checked the caller id, whether she knew who it was or not she always answered with the same

"Beckett!"

"Kate!"

The voice on the other end of the line made her blood run cold. It was Alexis. After their last conversation, she knew she was definitely not the teen's favourite person at the moment, and their was a panicky edge to the girls voice that made Kate break into a cold sweat.

"Kate! There was – he was – it hurt! They gave him morphine – bad reaction – he's freaking out please come now!"

She was stumbling over her words, trying to get the message across to the detective but too panicked to form proper sentences.

After hearing her name the first time, Kate had leapt out of bed, just barely listening to the rest of the explanation, he had been in pain, they had given him morphine, he had had a bad reaction to the drug, and Alexis had called her.

She shouted something about being on her way, but she was already half way across the room, clothes flying everywhere as she rushed to change as fast as possible.

She found a clean pair of jeans on a shelf in her cupboard, pulling them on while trying to keep her balance, she fumbled around looking for a clean shirt, the room was still dark and she couldn't see a thing, she was on her hands and knees, her fingers finally touched on one and she pulled it over her head. Her hair must look dreadful but she couldn't care less.

She grabbed her phone off the bed and rushed to get her watch, necklace and mothers ring out of their box, retrieving her gun on her way out of the room out of force of habit.

Her heels were by the door, as was her coat and her car keys. She ran through her living room, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she ran past it. She paused and turned back and stared at her reflection, a horrified look on her face.

In her haste she had accidentally grabbed yesterdays shirt off the floor, complete with his blood-stain over her left breast. She didn't have time to change, Alexis had said 'come _now_' not 'come in a couple of hours' she continued on to the door, grabbing her sweater off the couch as she passed it, very grateful she had not had time to clean up this week.

She put the sirens on as she raced down the road, wanting to get to him as fast as possible, not caring about the trouble she would be in for using the sirens in a non-emergency. To her this was an emergency, as she sped down the street.

She reached the hospital in record time, pulling her sweater over her head to hide the blood on her shirt as she ran down the corridor towards his room.

She burst through the door, eyes seeking him out; she saw Alexis and Martha huddled on the couch, the younger red head hiding her face in the neck of the older one. Martha's eyes were trained on the far corner of the room, furthest from the door and opposite the window. She followed the older woman's eyes and gasped.

Richard Castle stood in the corner of the room, eyes wide and fearful. He was slumped to one side, leaning heavily on the wall to his left, his right hand pressing down on his wounded heart.

Two nurses were standing close by, trying to coax him back into bed, he was recovering from major surgery and he shouldn't be up and around just yet.

At hearing her gasp, his eyes zeroed in on her, staring at her in a slightly deranged way, his face paling, blending in with the whitewashed walls.

"Kate?" His voice cracked, he sounded surprised to see her.

"Rick I'm here, its ok, I'm here!" She was trying to reassure him, she wasn't sure what was going on in his mind but she wanted to help.

"You were shot. I saw you. I couldn't stop it and you fell." He wasn't talking to anyone in particular, he seemed to be trying to convince himself that that this had happened.

She brought her own hand up to cover her heart, making sure the blood was being covered by her sweater, she knew he would think it was her own blood and probably panic more.

"I was Rick, but that was a long time ago, I'm fine now, we both are, I'm here and I'm ok, you're gonna be ok too." She edged closer to him, reaching out her hand, willing him to take it, feel her warmth, understand that she was still alive, that she was his now.

He looked at her hand, not quite sure what to make of it.

"You're not dead." He stated, looking up to meet her eyes.

"No Rick, I'm not, and neither are you, lets get you back into bed." She was reassuring him she was alive, while also reassuring herself that he was too.

He reached for her outstretched hand and held it tightly, his eyes widening at the contact. She started walking backwards, towards his bed, bringing him with her.

No one said a word as he slowly climbed back into bed, wincing slightly as his left arm took his weight.

When he was comfortably in the bed, he patted the spot next to him, wanting her to climb on.

Kate looked to Alexis and Martha, who where watching them with interested eyes. Kate was asking their permission to lie next to their father and son, not wanting to step on any toes.

Both women nodded at the detective encouragingly, neither of them had managed to convince the writer to get back into bed and they wanted him to stay there now, if it meant she lay with him, they were fine with that.

Sighing, Kate shed her heels and her coat, being careful to keep the sweater on and covering her shirt, she did not want to set him off again. She climbed into bed with him, snuggling closer while being mindful of his injuries.

He put his nose to the top of her head and inhaled deeply, the smell of cherries calming him and relaxing his muscles. He hugged her closer, as close as was possible without hurting himself.

"Thank you for coming back to me." He said, his voice slightly breathless.

She was not sure whether he meant thank you for not dying or thank you for coming back like she had promised the day before.

Either way her answer was the same.

"Always Castle… _Always."_

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><p><em><strong>Please please PLEASE review! i think the next chapter will be the conclusion as i go back to school on monday and will have no time to write! thank you for all previous reviews, alerts and favourites! Really means alot!:) Please review this chapter and let me know if you have anything you would like to see in the final chapter (or chapters if i have time) Thank you!:)<strong>  
><em>


	8. Chapter 8

**_So this is the final chapter, once again thank you to all who reviewed, added me or this story to their favourites/alerts. You are all incredible!:) please review this chapter, it is a little rushed but i leave today and wanted it to be up before i went back to school to no computer. Lemme know what you think, even you silent readers who add alerts, please may you review!;)_**

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><p>"Always"<p>

She whispered her reply, too overcome by emotion to speak any louder.

He pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, relief and excitement washing over him. This was really happening, they were finally doing it!

It had been six months since he had been released from hospital. She had been unable to take time off work to spend with him during the day, and so had spent nearly every night at his loft.

She had started out in the guest bed, too afraid to sleep near him in case she hurt him by mistake, she had had been having nightmares about his shooting and often woke up thrashing around. She didn't want to share a bed with him until she could get herself under control.

As he had healed, they had gradually progressed, and now she spent almost every night at his loft, in his bed, in his warm and safe embrace.

So for six months she had been unofficially living with the Castle's, going home only to get fresh clothes every few days. Most of her clothing was now in his draw, which he had slowly but surely emptied, not wanting to make a big deal about it.

Now he was completely healed, left only with a scar that resembled hers, a small depression over his heart. Her trips back to her apartment were becoming less and less frequent, everything she needed was now with him, and she was running out of reasons to keep going back there.

He didn't want to chase her away by moving things too quickly, he just sat back and watched as his loft became _their_ loft, and when he felt the time was right, he had said,

"Kate, can I ask you something?" He spoke softly, they were alone, Alexis was at a friend's and Martha was out, the only sounds in the living room was the clinking of wine glasses as they sat quietly on the couch.

"Of course." She eyed him warily, turning to face him straight on. He sounded serious and despite all the progress she had made with him, she felt her stomach tense up just a little bit.

"Kate I love you," He paused, trying to choose his words carefully.

She took a breath, preparing herself for the worst. She should have seen it coming, the last six months had been too perfect, she had been too happy, obviously it was not going to last.

"Just say it, please just say it." She told him, her voice devoid of any emotion.

"Ok, well you have been unofficially living here for a while now," he paused again, his next words coming out all in a rush "I want to make it official, I want you to live here permanently."

He stopped and they both let out a breath they hadn't realized they were holding.

She finally met his gaze, seeing the apprehension in his beautiful blue eyes, she said quietly

"You don't want me to leave?" she said it slowly as if trying to understand.

"Of course not, I want to wake up next to you every morning, I want to fall asleep with my arms around you every night, I want your toothbrush to live beside mine even as you live beside me, I want it to be official, I want this to be your home, I want you to stay. Please."

His last word was a whisper, his eyes silently begging her to say yes, she did him one better, she said

"Always."

It took her only two more trips to her apartment to gather all her remaining things, mainly all the books off her bookshelf, mostly his books, a couple of them signed, including the one he had given her after their first case.

Taking a final look around her old home, she closed the door for the last time, smiling as she did, knowing she would not regret the decision.

As she reached the door of his loft she smiled, mentally correcting herself, it was _their _loft now. She pulled a key out of her pocket, slipping it into the lock and turning it, she had never been so happy about owning a key.

She took off her coat and shoes, all the while searching the living room for him, when she couldn't see him she walked through to his bedroom, _their _bedroom now. There was a not on the top of the dresser:

_Kate, just picking up dinner, make yourself at home._

She laughed; he had signed it with a heart. She could definitely get used to this.

She grabbed her laptop and curled up on the couch waiting for him to get back. She looked through a couple of documents, and checked her emails, one of them was a promotion, an automatic email that was sent to advertise products no one wanted.

This one was for an online dictionary, useful if one ever needed to look up a word while on their laptop. She snorted, would anyone actually use it?

Having nothing better to do to bide the time until he returned with their food, she clicked on the link, maybe it would be helpful when she did her paperwork, then she could stop using the same words over and over again in all her reports.

The website opened and the Oxford logo appeared, it looked very similar to the Google search page, with a small box underneath the logo with the faint words '_type here'._

She typed it in and hit enter, and waited for the page to load.

_Always: an adverb meaning at all times; on all occasions_.

She smiled as she read the first oxford definition of what had recently become her favourite word.

_Always_: _Throughout a long period of the past. _

She nodded thoughtfully to herself, this explanation fitted for them too. Her eyes slipped down to the last interpretation of the word.

_Always:_ _for all future time; forever. _

She felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she read and reread all the definitions. It struck her just how perfectly this word described them, their love for one another, her love for him and she knew, his love for her as well.

She loved him at all times and on all occasions, she had loved him for a long period of time now, and she would most certainly love him forever…

She loved him always.

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><p><strong><em>So its ok to hate it, i am not sure if i love it or not, i wrote an alternate ending, a one shot called My Love, My Life, My Always. It seemed too similar to past chapters but i couldnt get it out of my head, please read that one and let me know which you preferred!:) Thanks for sticking around, have now posted a sequel, entitled,<em> Nightmares and Midnight Snacks, please read it!:)_ BC xxxxxxxx_**


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